While with mom and dad last week, I cleaned out mom's closets -- and yes I mean plural, closets. Apparently my mom and dad like to shop (as if anyone didn't know that already). My darling parents have been clothes shopping for mom for years now. We have a closet for winter clothes and one for summer clothes. YIKES!
Her little frail body is down to 119 lbs so for many of her long time/long distance friends this is about a 20 lb difference in mom. Needless to say, I went through her closet and donated 60 articles of clothing to charity the other day. Lots of old stuff that was too big and quite a few newer things that were hideous and my mom was not going to traipse around town in them. ALZ has taken away some of moms' ability to critique clothing and know if it's right for her and it fits.
Then came the shopping trip. I felt like a mom, taking her daughter school clothes shopping. The big difference was that I could actually suggest certain things, bring them into the dressing room and she was SO AGREEABLE! Wish I could have had my kids be so grateful and accepting during those "school shopping days".
We got her down to some basics in pants and ones that actually fit. Poor lady, she had been shopping in more "hip" departments and buying pants that were low rise (the wider waistband that sits below your waste) and trying to pull them up to her waist. Not a pretty sight.
I found some very tasteful, slim cut elastic waist dress slacks at dress barn (even bought a pair for myself). They are kind of like a yoga pant at the waist -- easy to get on and off and they look great. We got black, brown and navy to gear up for fall.
It's hard for dad as I have realized that he wants his woman looking FINE. He loves blouses on my mother and kept picking out some really "snazzy" things for her. Buttons are hard. Enough said. The harsh reality is that mom needs elastic waists and knit pull over type shirts. I know that when she goes into full time care, these are the easiest things for them to wear. I remember this with Grandma. I didn't have the heart to tell dad the real truth about this one.
He is awesome. Puts her make upon, earrings in, jewelry on..... I never realized he was so "in to" how my mom looks. Kind of cute. Kind of frustrating at the same time. Part of me thinks he's trying to "hold on" to who my mom use to be. And yet, he is having a terrible time remembering when she showered last (we are down to every other day). He has so much to keep track of and as you know, he's a little scattered anyway so it's stressful.
Hannah will be moving in with them and attending BYU-Idaho part time this fall. She is excited to be living there and helping them out. I am going to get some charts made up for her to use so she can keep track ( for me) of mom's hygiene and exercise.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
She's still smiling.
I figured it was time for an update - seeing as I've had several trips to visit mom and dad in the past 2 months and mom just gets progressively worse. However, she is still smiling and I guess that is a good thing. I'm scared for the time when the smiling stops and the "dear in the headlights" look is the only expression she shows.
Mom is generally happy and willing to do almost anything you ask. "Willing" being the key word here. She is pretty agreeable these days. She'll agree to do anything you say but that is as far as it goes. She doesnt' know what a fork is. She can't turn on the TV, or any appliance. She can't take something from point A to point B without wandering to point E, F G and then dropping it off at Point Y. But she'll sure try:)
The ladies at church are great about taking mom to activities, coming over to say hi, or bringing the youth of the ward over to sing to her. She is serving in the nursery at church which is truly a perfect place for her. She sits and holds the crying ones -- I'm sure both of them wonder at times why they are there and if anyone they know will be coming to get them soon:)
The other day when someone asked her how many children she had - she drew a blank. She asked my dad how many kids they had. Sad. I reminded her that she has two. "oh, that's nice" she said -- this is her answer for most things.
Mom use to LOVE to work in the yard. I took her out to do some weeding. I discovered another lost skill of hers. She just sat there and "fluffed" the bark, pulled some top leaves off the plants and was LOST.
Dad is having the most difficult time as he's losing the love of his life. He's holding on hard, refusing to look this ugly monster of Alzheimer's in the face. I think he longs for the day when they entertained and went out places as a couple. Now, he has a 5 year old, trapped in a little old ladies body. She isn't as "put together" as she use to be - unable to do any grooming herself. He is responsible for bathing and dressing her now. He took her to Macy's to get a make up make-over. Had the lady show him how to do it and he actually puts makeup on her. He's trying so very hard to keep his sweetheart alive in his memory. I know at some point, she is going to argue with him about the whole makeup thing and not want it. But for now, she just stands there sweetly while he paints a memory of who she use to be, upon her face. It's super sweet.
With all his tenderness and love for her, there is also a level of frustration. They were SUCH A TEAM and even more so after their mission. Cleaning together, cooking together, shopping together.... now they can't even put a table cloth on the table together. She is losing her ability to understand what he's saying. It's like we are all speaking Chinese to her at times.
I went through her closet/clothes the other day with her. My oh My. If you know my parents at all, you know they like to shop. I've had to put the kibosh on the clothes shopping. If mom says she likes it, dad buys it for her. We got rid of 60 pieces of clothing the other day ...so many things that don't fit anymore (she's pretty tiny right now). In fact, we got rid of so much that we get to go shopping today for some pants as she ended up with one pair of jeans, one pair of cords and 3 pairs of light green Capri's. We are just paring down to "outfits" so getting dressed/selecting outfits is much easier for my dad. .............................. The SHOES are next.
Mom is still happy although she has a moment of tears just about everyday. It's brief and after about 2 minutes it stops as she can't remember why she is emotional. I think it's got to be her body's way of letting off a little steam.
Dad is getting tired. I can hear it in his voice. Less and less patient with her. He's been in denial for so long and I imagine that he's avoided preparing for all this when the diagnosis first came years ago. It's got to be hard watching your sweetheart and soul mate slowly disappear. He doesn't really want to talk much about it -- and we rarely have any time without her around so that makes it more difficult.
And this is where we are.
Mom is generally happy and willing to do almost anything you ask. "Willing" being the key word here. She is pretty agreeable these days. She'll agree to do anything you say but that is as far as it goes. She doesnt' know what a fork is. She can't turn on the TV, or any appliance. She can't take something from point A to point B without wandering to point E, F G and then dropping it off at Point Y. But she'll sure try:)
The ladies at church are great about taking mom to activities, coming over to say hi, or bringing the youth of the ward over to sing to her. She is serving in the nursery at church which is truly a perfect place for her. She sits and holds the crying ones -- I'm sure both of them wonder at times why they are there and if anyone they know will be coming to get them soon:)
The other day when someone asked her how many children she had - she drew a blank. She asked my dad how many kids they had. Sad. I reminded her that she has two. "oh, that's nice" she said -- this is her answer for most things.
Mom use to LOVE to work in the yard. I took her out to do some weeding. I discovered another lost skill of hers. She just sat there and "fluffed" the bark, pulled some top leaves off the plants and was LOST.
Dad is having the most difficult time as he's losing the love of his life. He's holding on hard, refusing to look this ugly monster of Alzheimer's in the face. I think he longs for the day when they entertained and went out places as a couple. Now, he has a 5 year old, trapped in a little old ladies body. She isn't as "put together" as she use to be - unable to do any grooming herself. He is responsible for bathing and dressing her now. He took her to Macy's to get a make up make-over. Had the lady show him how to do it and he actually puts makeup on her. He's trying so very hard to keep his sweetheart alive in his memory. I know at some point, she is going to argue with him about the whole makeup thing and not want it. But for now, she just stands there sweetly while he paints a memory of who she use to be, upon her face. It's super sweet.
With all his tenderness and love for her, there is also a level of frustration. They were SUCH A TEAM and even more so after their mission. Cleaning together, cooking together, shopping together.... now they can't even put a table cloth on the table together. She is losing her ability to understand what he's saying. It's like we are all speaking Chinese to her at times.
I went through her closet/clothes the other day with her. My oh My. If you know my parents at all, you know they like to shop. I've had to put the kibosh on the clothes shopping. If mom says she likes it, dad buys it for her. We got rid of 60 pieces of clothing the other day ...so many things that don't fit anymore (she's pretty tiny right now). In fact, we got rid of so much that we get to go shopping today for some pants as she ended up with one pair of jeans, one pair of cords and 3 pairs of light green Capri's. We are just paring down to "outfits" so getting dressed/selecting outfits is much easier for my dad. .............................. The SHOES are next.
Mom is still happy although she has a moment of tears just about everyday. It's brief and after about 2 minutes it stops as she can't remember why she is emotional. I think it's got to be her body's way of letting off a little steam.
Dad is getting tired. I can hear it in his voice. Less and less patient with her. He's been in denial for so long and I imagine that he's avoided preparing for all this when the diagnosis first came years ago. It's got to be hard watching your sweetheart and soul mate slowly disappear. He doesn't really want to talk much about it -- and we rarely have any time without her around so that makes it more difficult.
And this is where we are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)