Nearing the end of life

Life has sure taken over for me and I so regret not keeping mom's blog up to date.

Here we are, November 17th -- it's been a very busy and emotional time in my own life -maybe that is why I avoided writing......  Mom has neared the end of her life rather quickly.   This is kind of coming as a shock because her mother lived for 12 years in nursing care with Alzheimer's -- so four and a half months seems rather "sudden" and yet its a relief.  I know that watching my mother care for her mother all those years - the visits to the nursing home and feeling like she could not ever leave and go anywhere was so hard.

In August there came an opening at the Homestead center in Rexburg- much closer to dad who was spending  an hour or so each day driving back and forth to St. Anthony.  She is in the Memory Care unit- much smaller and set up for this specific need.  But once Mom got here she really started to spiral downward - which I know is normal when their surroundings change. 

I have been coming every couple of weeks from Seattle to check in on my parents - spend time with my dad and keep a pulse on it all.  Dad had knee replacement surgery on October 10th and I came for that - he was in the hospital for 4 days and then in rehabilitative care for 2.5 weeks.  He is doing AWESOME but he went for 2 weeks without seeing my mother.  Leah my daughter lives close by so she was wonderful at visiting both of them and giving me reports. 

I actually stayed in Seattle the whole time he was in rehab care to live my life a little -- it was nice knowing they BOTH were being taken care of.  I came back when it was time for him to come home and stayed a week or so and he was doing so fabulous that he didn't really need me for physical assistance.  His neighbors and ward members were wonderful at bringing some meals and visiting with him- also driving him over to see mom the week I went back home.

I was just here in town with my father last week and went back home last Saturday - mom was doing as well as could be expected.  Not really talking anymore, unable to walk or feed herself.  Pretty much full time care at this point.  They still got her up everyday, dressed her, fed her, propped her up in a lounge chair and so forth.  Until Sunday.  Sunday was the beginning of what looks like we are nearing the end.

In just 3 months mom is now completely bedridden and the end stages are here as of this week. We have hospice care in place for her and it's been wonderful. We decided that to take measure to prolong her life was not fair. She did NOT want to go like this -- she told me very clearly while caring for her own mother that she did not, in anyway want any measures taken to stretch it out -at all. So - we are letting nature and her body do what it needs and wants to do. 

On Sunday my mother decided she didn't want to live anymore -I think.  Completely non-responsive to any stimulus.  She would not wake up - no food, no water, nothing.  Hospice called me Monday night an we decided that this was probably the end.  I started to make plans to quickly return back to Rexburg but could not fly out until Thursday.  From Sunday until Thursday she did not awaken and did not eat or drink.

Thursday afternoon she woke up a bit but was pretty incoherent, uttering gibberish, glassy-eyed and just out of it.  I arrived Thursday night and spent several hours by her bedside and then we went home. Came back on Friday (yesterday) and she was awake from 9:30 - 9:30 -- TWELVE hours.  This is no where near normal for her these days - especially the past several.  She was with us but "not with us".

Oh the veil is so very thin between earth and heaven and I have been a witness to that these past 2 days.  Yesterday her day, I truly believe, was filled with heavenly visitors to comfort her.  She talked a lot with them - reacted to them, smiled, laughed, etc.  It was one of the most interesting things I have witnessed in my life.  She would call out, "Mother and Dad, Grandfather...... say things like, "I want to go" and then "I'm not finished yet".  She would grimace with fright and then smile lovingly-- quite a broad expanse of emotions.  It was an exhausting day sitting with her as she visited with everyone.  Most of her speech was not understandable and then she'd blurt out a 3 or 4 word sentence - something I've not heard for months.  Who can actually deny that there is life beyond and that loved ones await our arrival back home?  I sure cannot.

I spent my day holding her hands, swabbing her mouth for moisture and giving her tiny bits of ice cream - her favorite treat.  I also whispered gently that she needed to "go" and to not be afraid.  This was my repetition all day long to her.  Near the evening she snapped for a millisecond and looked directly at me (she has not been able to make eye contact) and said, "I keep trying!'. She finally settled in late in the evening to sleep. 

The hospice nurse has her on morphine to ease the pain that comes as their bodies shut down.  And yesterday I apparently was not giving her enough and they think that is why she was so active.  Also, they say that many times a person will rally up shortly before dying and have some time in this "up" state. 

So this morning brought a much different picture.  She has been sleeping all day.  The staff rotate her every 2 hours to keep the bed sores from forming - and she does not like to be moved - it hurts her poor little body.  I think she is down to maybe 100 pounds at this point.  So, while she has not been very awake today we've increased the morphine to every 2 hours to keep her relaxed and pain free when she is moved.  I am pretty sure the dosage will be increased as right now it's pretty small.

Her breathing is rather irregular and she is non responsive once again.  Her body is shutting down ever so slowly. I am not sure how many more days she'll hang on but I'm here to say this mother of mine is a fighter. 

I spent 12 hours with her yesterday by her side - trying to calm her and understand her conversations with those beyond the veil.  Today, another 12 hours but spent much differently than yesterday.   I wrote her life sketch for her memorial.  It's been a calm and peaceful day here as I looked out the window, felt the sunshine come through on my face and listened to quiet music.  Kind of in our own little world over here and it's just fine. 

Because this is assisted living and mom is on round the clock medication at this point, I'll be staying the night with her to give her the morphine as the night staff are not allowed. I know it sounds a bit odd but this is not a nursing home - it's a lovely assisted living place that will keep them through death- as long as they don't have to be on life support. So we need to be more involved in her end stages especially for hospice type care.  They do all they can with bathing, changing, rotating and even some feeding but at this point, someone really needs to be with her almost full time and that is family.  

Praying for her release anytime now.