Yes, that is what my mother asked my father today when they were sitting on the couch - snuggled up together watching TV. Now,this was a sizing him up kind of question - not an accusing question - pretty funny.
I'm just here for a day and a half this time -- I've been here a lot the past few months and I continue to fail on my blogging. Back in Februray dad and I had made the decision to move mom to assisted living so I went down, got the paperwork filled out, they had a room, we went and visited and then - he just couldn't do it. I was so frustrated as I had spend days working on it. But, I had to ease off. This is his sweetheart, his couch buddy, his car ride companion, his girl with matching shirt, his love. I've had to take a step back and just let their lives go where it may. It's been hard at times and a relief at other times.
Dad insisted he can care for her so - I continue to let him try. I had a dear friend tell me to keep her home as long as possible because when they go into full time care they tend to go down hill much faster. Dad tries but I fear that most days she is just in her jammies and doesn't get a bath as often as I'd like. Her meals are scattered and not full of variety, things are not perfect but I can't change that.
Last week dad called me with a very frustrated tone of voice. He had been bathing mom and she got very confused with all washing and drying and she yelled at him, popped him one and ran to the bed and hid under the covers, crying. She is so lost --- I was able to calm dad down which was good. She gets so emotional and confused. breaks my heart.
Dad is filled with hope that she will be the recipient of a miracle of sorts. He has great hope that she'll be cured. He's trying supplements he finds and reads about but they aren't doing much good. It frustrates me because there is so much he COULD have done - they COULD have done earlier but didn't. Diet, exercise and mental stimulation - now its' too late.
So today the conversations were about :
Do I live here? Where is "here"? How many children do I have? She asked me if I live here, she asked Lauren if she lived here (all meaning at the house). She was thrilled to hear that she had served a mission to Hungary. She sat me down to tell me that she now understands everything that is going on -- it's because of Alzhiemers! "It explains so much" she said. Oh brother. MY dad actually looked relieved as she shared with this me - as if we'd had a miracle - she understands! Too bad in about 15 minutes she forgets everything we just talked about. And my dad seems to forget that she cannot remember things. I think that he actually thought to himself, "wow, she knows now -- this will be great. she'll be able to function because she understands"...... yikes. I sometimes wonder if my dad isn't battling something himself -- he just cannot process the fact that my mother's brain is just dying.
Who is this man who worked for 25+ years, raised a family, built a swimming pool and deck, cared for cars and our yard, took us on vacation, etc. How can he NOT process all this? It's just beyond my own comprehension. He insists on explaining everything to her which just confuses her even more -- her days are filled with his probing questions (testing her), his explanations which all lead to his frustration and then they argue. It just kills me.
I am going to be looking into getting someone to come in everyday and assists with just general care such as bathing, dressing, food prep for the day and maybe some exercise - for BOTH OF THEM. Dad is not ready to move her to full time care but he is tired and it's wearing on him. He's going to lose her social security when she leaves so why not start using it now to pay for help at the house? It's that or she has got to go to assisted living. Oh I am dreading that day.
This was not the plan. I was supposed to live close by so I could care for my parents. We all started planing this years ago when my parents moved next door to us. Then, they went on a mission - we moved to Idaho. They followed us. It was working out good back then - of course that was before we REALLY needed to be living close. Then, we had to move back to Seattle.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, October 8, 2011
It's debate-able with my dad
Well, this parenting your parents thing is ROUGH. Dad and I are really starting to butt heads a bit and I have had to back off. It's hard to watch my parents struggle- my mother is lost and my dad just does not want to come to terms with it.
My efforts to reduce down her closet to a manageable state? THWARTED by my father. He has taken her on several shopping trips yet again. More new clothes , more wrong sizes. She just goes in the dressing room and comes out with "these are great"..... my mother at 5"1 and 115 pounds does not wear a size 10/12. She is more like a size 6 now. AGHHHHHHHHHH I want to scream! And some of the clothes that I had put in the donation bags? Yes, you know it. They are back in the closet.
I will have conversations with him infrequently (because mom is always near by) and sometimes he comes to reality and then others -- he just won't see this disease for what it really is. It's a terminal illness -- he's losing his sweetheart, his pal, his help-meet and part of himself.
My dad is the sweetest man on the earth -- he's very trusting and very gullible. Someone told him about Alz patients and Niacinamide. Apparently this can cure the disease! Well, you guessed it. He has her taking Niacinamide and at first I was rather bothered by his attempts. But, I'm here to say that she seems to be a bit more alert and much more interactive with others than she has been.
My dad has been telling everyone (and many people have noticed on their own) how much better my mother is. She still can't make toast but she can kind of interact with other people. It's a miracle! Well, not quite.
Mom went in for an update (they go nearly weekly for something). Dad was singing the praises of this Niacinamide and how much better mom is. The Doctor was a bit cautious of course and decided to give mom another MMSE http://www.med.umich.edu/medstudents/curRes/cca/m2/2010_resources/MMSE.pdf which she has now taken quite a few times. It's an cognitive skills assessment test. Back in 2008 she scored 21 points out of 30. This was when my parents first came to me and told me what was going on. That mom was having "memory problems". They would not say Alzheimers -- they refused. But I already knew. I had seen the signs in 2005 when they returned from Hungary.
So then, her scores start dropping..... from 21 to 18 then 14 then 10. The other day she scored SIX on the test. SIX!. My parents were devestated. Okay, I'm not sure if my mom even was aware of what was going on. My dad was devestated to say the least.
Dad was thinking mom was on her way to being cured. He had kind of pulled back from running her daily care because he thought she could handle it. In some regards, she seems better and others---- yikes. He just does not want to see it or he just can't.
He spends a lot of time on the computer so he does not see mom wandering the house, opening and shutting doors, picking up things and setting them down, looking outside with a confused expression.
Without baring too much of their personal lives here in a public forum -- I will just say that my father is "rather impatient" with my mother and it's pushing me to a breaking point. The tension between he and I could be cut and served on a platter. I am sure he does not enjoy my visits anymore because he feels like he's living under a microscope. And I don't enjoy just sitting back and watching the train wreck. But I have kind of had to throw my hands in the air for the time being.
In talking with their doctor (who is truly amazingly wonderful) we have come to terms with the fact that my dad is not going to accept this until "something" happens --like mom wanders off, or tries to burn the house down. I pray that we don't have to go that far.
So, mom is more alert- dad is happy and I guess that's all for now. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I love when I call, each day. Mom, "I'm doing so great!" Dad, "Your mom is doing great". I think to myself , "really, because mom doesn't even know how many kids she has". She sees the family picture of me and my brother with our families and thinks that she had all of us. She is just amazed that she was able to have so many children! she's so cute. So, if being awake and smiling is "great' then that's what I'll take.
My efforts to reduce down her closet to a manageable state? THWARTED by my father. He has taken her on several shopping trips yet again. More new clothes , more wrong sizes. She just goes in the dressing room and comes out with "these are great"..... my mother at 5"1 and 115 pounds does not wear a size 10/12. She is more like a size 6 now. AGHHHHHHHHHH I want to scream! And some of the clothes that I had put in the donation bags? Yes, you know it. They are back in the closet.
I will have conversations with him infrequently (because mom is always near by) and sometimes he comes to reality and then others -- he just won't see this disease for what it really is. It's a terminal illness -- he's losing his sweetheart, his pal, his help-meet and part of himself.
My dad is the sweetest man on the earth -- he's very trusting and very gullible. Someone told him about Alz patients and Niacinamide. Apparently this can cure the disease! Well, you guessed it. He has her taking Niacinamide and at first I was rather bothered by his attempts. But, I'm here to say that she seems to be a bit more alert and much more interactive with others than she has been.
My dad has been telling everyone (and many people have noticed on their own) how much better my mother is. She still can't make toast but she can kind of interact with other people. It's a miracle! Well, not quite.
Mom went in for an update (they go nearly weekly for something). Dad was singing the praises of this Niacinamide and how much better mom is. The Doctor was a bit cautious of course and decided to give mom another MMSE http://www.med.umich.edu/medstudents/curRes/cca/m2/2010_resources/MMSE.pdf which she has now taken quite a few times. It's an cognitive skills assessment test. Back in 2008 she scored 21 points out of 30. This was when my parents first came to me and told me what was going on. That mom was having "memory problems". They would not say Alzheimers -- they refused. But I already knew. I had seen the signs in 2005 when they returned from Hungary.
So then, her scores start dropping..... from 21 to 18 then 14 then 10. The other day she scored SIX on the test. SIX!. My parents were devestated. Okay, I'm not sure if my mom even was aware of what was going on. My dad was devestated to say the least.
Dad was thinking mom was on her way to being cured. He had kind of pulled back from running her daily care because he thought she could handle it. In some regards, she seems better and others---- yikes. He just does not want to see it or he just can't.
He spends a lot of time on the computer so he does not see mom wandering the house, opening and shutting doors, picking up things and setting them down, looking outside with a confused expression.
Without baring too much of their personal lives here in a public forum -- I will just say that my father is "rather impatient" with my mother and it's pushing me to a breaking point. The tension between he and I could be cut and served on a platter. I am sure he does not enjoy my visits anymore because he feels like he's living under a microscope. And I don't enjoy just sitting back and watching the train wreck. But I have kind of had to throw my hands in the air for the time being.
In talking with their doctor (who is truly amazingly wonderful) we have come to terms with the fact that my dad is not going to accept this until "something" happens --like mom wanders off, or tries to burn the house down. I pray that we don't have to go that far.
So, mom is more alert- dad is happy and I guess that's all for now. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I love when I call, each day. Mom, "I'm doing so great!" Dad, "Your mom is doing great". I think to myself , "really, because mom doesn't even know how many kids she has". She sees the family picture of me and my brother with our families and thinks that she had all of us. She is just amazed that she was able to have so many children! she's so cute. So, if being awake and smiling is "great' then that's what I'll take.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Going up.....
Well, after a week of mom sleeping, not eating and not drinking -- 2 doctor visits and numerous phone calls to my dad from me, Dad finally took mom to the ER.
She was severely dehydrated and had a pretty bad UTI. They gave her an IV with antibiotics and monitored her for several hours and this morning she is doing so much better!
Dad has promised me that he will set a timer to go off every hour so he can give her a drink --- now, that only works if he can hear the timer, another issue.
We'll see how the next few days goes!
She was severely dehydrated and had a pretty bad UTI. They gave her an IV with antibiotics and monitored her for several hours and this morning she is doing so much better!
Dad has promised me that he will set a timer to go off every hour so he can give her a drink --- now, that only works if he can hear the timer, another issue.
We'll see how the next few days goes!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
ups and downs
It's been a few days since I was with mom and dad. However, I was only there for one day and it happened to be a good day (en route back to Seattle from SLC). I was rather shocked at how "up" mom seemed and Devon was also amazed. She was nothing like what I keep telling him she is. Hum.......
Hannah is now living with them which is proving to be good. She is cooking for them and keeping me filled in on what's going on with mom.
Devon and I left early Sunday morning. Mom didn't get out of bed for most of the day (according to Hannah) -- nauseated and feeling crummy. This stretched into Monday and now Tuesday. Dad took her to the doctor (her regular doctor is out of town this week) and he said she is possibly dehydrated. This is what one of my fears was. She can't remember to drink water and my dad can't remember to give her water. Still not sure if it's lack of hydration, a bit of the flu, constipation (sorry....but it's a fact of life) or something worse.
She has been in bed for nearly 3 days now, not eating (not hungry), not drinking.
The alarmist in me is in a bit of a panic. The daughter of a loving God in me tells me that we all have a path to follow and to be calm. Is she just giving up? I know it sounds so sad but it could be true.
My grandma Nonie had Alzheimer's and she lived for 13 years! Now, the last several weren't much to speak of but she was alive. I had always thought my mom would follow suit. And then again, maybe she won't. Some people go fast, others linger.
My dad is definitely not ready for this. Please pray for him.
Hannah is now living with them which is proving to be good. She is cooking for them and keeping me filled in on what's going on with mom.
Devon and I left early Sunday morning. Mom didn't get out of bed for most of the day (according to Hannah) -- nauseated and feeling crummy. This stretched into Monday and now Tuesday. Dad took her to the doctor (her regular doctor is out of town this week) and he said she is possibly dehydrated. This is what one of my fears was. She can't remember to drink water and my dad can't remember to give her water. Still not sure if it's lack of hydration, a bit of the flu, constipation (sorry....but it's a fact of life) or something worse.
She has been in bed for nearly 3 days now, not eating (not hungry), not drinking.
The alarmist in me is in a bit of a panic. The daughter of a loving God in me tells me that we all have a path to follow and to be calm. Is she just giving up? I know it sounds so sad but it could be true.
My grandma Nonie had Alzheimer's and she lived for 13 years! Now, the last several weren't much to speak of but she was alive. I had always thought my mom would follow suit. And then again, maybe she won't. Some people go fast, others linger.
My dad is definitely not ready for this. Please pray for him.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A shopping trip
While with mom and dad last week, I cleaned out mom's closets -- and yes I mean plural, closets. Apparently my mom and dad like to shop (as if anyone didn't know that already). My darling parents have been clothes shopping for mom for years now. We have a closet for winter clothes and one for summer clothes. YIKES!
Her little frail body is down to 119 lbs so for many of her long time/long distance friends this is about a 20 lb difference in mom. Needless to say, I went through her closet and donated 60 articles of clothing to charity the other day. Lots of old stuff that was too big and quite a few newer things that were hideous and my mom was not going to traipse around town in them. ALZ has taken away some of moms' ability to critique clothing and know if it's right for her and it fits.
Then came the shopping trip. I felt like a mom, taking her daughter school clothes shopping. The big difference was that I could actually suggest certain things, bring them into the dressing room and she was SO AGREEABLE! Wish I could have had my kids be so grateful and accepting during those "school shopping days".
We got her down to some basics in pants and ones that actually fit. Poor lady, she had been shopping in more "hip" departments and buying pants that were low rise (the wider waistband that sits below your waste) and trying to pull them up to her waist. Not a pretty sight.
I found some very tasteful, slim cut elastic waist dress slacks at dress barn (even bought a pair for myself). They are kind of like a yoga pant at the waist -- easy to get on and off and they look great. We got black, brown and navy to gear up for fall.
It's hard for dad as I have realized that he wants his woman looking FINE. He loves blouses on my mother and kept picking out some really "snazzy" things for her. Buttons are hard. Enough said. The harsh reality is that mom needs elastic waists and knit pull over type shirts. I know that when she goes into full time care, these are the easiest things for them to wear. I remember this with Grandma. I didn't have the heart to tell dad the real truth about this one.
He is awesome. Puts her make upon, earrings in, jewelry on..... I never realized he was so "in to" how my mom looks. Kind of cute. Kind of frustrating at the same time. Part of me thinks he's trying to "hold on" to who my mom use to be. And yet, he is having a terrible time remembering when she showered last (we are down to every other day). He has so much to keep track of and as you know, he's a little scattered anyway so it's stressful.
Hannah will be moving in with them and attending BYU-Idaho part time this fall. She is excited to be living there and helping them out. I am going to get some charts made up for her to use so she can keep track ( for me) of mom's hygiene and exercise.
Her little frail body is down to 119 lbs so for many of her long time/long distance friends this is about a 20 lb difference in mom. Needless to say, I went through her closet and donated 60 articles of clothing to charity the other day. Lots of old stuff that was too big and quite a few newer things that were hideous and my mom was not going to traipse around town in them. ALZ has taken away some of moms' ability to critique clothing and know if it's right for her and it fits.
Then came the shopping trip. I felt like a mom, taking her daughter school clothes shopping. The big difference was that I could actually suggest certain things, bring them into the dressing room and she was SO AGREEABLE! Wish I could have had my kids be so grateful and accepting during those "school shopping days".
We got her down to some basics in pants and ones that actually fit. Poor lady, she had been shopping in more "hip" departments and buying pants that were low rise (the wider waistband that sits below your waste) and trying to pull them up to her waist. Not a pretty sight.
I found some very tasteful, slim cut elastic waist dress slacks at dress barn (even bought a pair for myself). They are kind of like a yoga pant at the waist -- easy to get on and off and they look great. We got black, brown and navy to gear up for fall.
It's hard for dad as I have realized that he wants his woman looking FINE. He loves blouses on my mother and kept picking out some really "snazzy" things for her. Buttons are hard. Enough said. The harsh reality is that mom needs elastic waists and knit pull over type shirts. I know that when she goes into full time care, these are the easiest things for them to wear. I remember this with Grandma. I didn't have the heart to tell dad the real truth about this one.
He is awesome. Puts her make upon, earrings in, jewelry on..... I never realized he was so "in to" how my mom looks. Kind of cute. Kind of frustrating at the same time. Part of me thinks he's trying to "hold on" to who my mom use to be. And yet, he is having a terrible time remembering when she showered last (we are down to every other day). He has so much to keep track of and as you know, he's a little scattered anyway so it's stressful.
Hannah will be moving in with them and attending BYU-Idaho part time this fall. She is excited to be living there and helping them out. I am going to get some charts made up for her to use so she can keep track ( for me) of mom's hygiene and exercise.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
She's still smiling.
I figured it was time for an update - seeing as I've had several trips to visit mom and dad in the past 2 months and mom just gets progressively worse. However, she is still smiling and I guess that is a good thing. I'm scared for the time when the smiling stops and the "dear in the headlights" look is the only expression she shows.
Mom is generally happy and willing to do almost anything you ask. "Willing" being the key word here. She is pretty agreeable these days. She'll agree to do anything you say but that is as far as it goes. She doesnt' know what a fork is. She can't turn on the TV, or any appliance. She can't take something from point A to point B without wandering to point E, F G and then dropping it off at Point Y. But she'll sure try:)
The ladies at church are great about taking mom to activities, coming over to say hi, or bringing the youth of the ward over to sing to her. She is serving in the nursery at church which is truly a perfect place for her. She sits and holds the crying ones -- I'm sure both of them wonder at times why they are there and if anyone they know will be coming to get them soon:)
The other day when someone asked her how many children she had - she drew a blank. She asked my dad how many kids they had. Sad. I reminded her that she has two. "oh, that's nice" she said -- this is her answer for most things.
Mom use to LOVE to work in the yard. I took her out to do some weeding. I discovered another lost skill of hers. She just sat there and "fluffed" the bark, pulled some top leaves off the plants and was LOST.
Dad is having the most difficult time as he's losing the love of his life. He's holding on hard, refusing to look this ugly monster of Alzheimer's in the face. I think he longs for the day when they entertained and went out places as a couple. Now, he has a 5 year old, trapped in a little old ladies body. She isn't as "put together" as she use to be - unable to do any grooming herself. He is responsible for bathing and dressing her now. He took her to Macy's to get a make up make-over. Had the lady show him how to do it and he actually puts makeup on her. He's trying so very hard to keep his sweetheart alive in his memory. I know at some point, she is going to argue with him about the whole makeup thing and not want it. But for now, she just stands there sweetly while he paints a memory of who she use to be, upon her face. It's super sweet.
With all his tenderness and love for her, there is also a level of frustration. They were SUCH A TEAM and even more so after their mission. Cleaning together, cooking together, shopping together.... now they can't even put a table cloth on the table together. She is losing her ability to understand what he's saying. It's like we are all speaking Chinese to her at times.
I went through her closet/clothes the other day with her. My oh My. If you know my parents at all, you know they like to shop. I've had to put the kibosh on the clothes shopping. If mom says she likes it, dad buys it for her. We got rid of 60 pieces of clothing the other day ...so many things that don't fit anymore (she's pretty tiny right now). In fact, we got rid of so much that we get to go shopping today for some pants as she ended up with one pair of jeans, one pair of cords and 3 pairs of light green Capri's. We are just paring down to "outfits" so getting dressed/selecting outfits is much easier for my dad. .............................. The SHOES are next.
Mom is still happy although she has a moment of tears just about everyday. It's brief and after about 2 minutes it stops as she can't remember why she is emotional. I think it's got to be her body's way of letting off a little steam.
Dad is getting tired. I can hear it in his voice. Less and less patient with her. He's been in denial for so long and I imagine that he's avoided preparing for all this when the diagnosis first came years ago. It's got to be hard watching your sweetheart and soul mate slowly disappear. He doesn't really want to talk much about it -- and we rarely have any time without her around so that makes it more difficult.
And this is where we are.
Mom is generally happy and willing to do almost anything you ask. "Willing" being the key word here. She is pretty agreeable these days. She'll agree to do anything you say but that is as far as it goes. She doesnt' know what a fork is. She can't turn on the TV, or any appliance. She can't take something from point A to point B without wandering to point E, F G and then dropping it off at Point Y. But she'll sure try:)
The ladies at church are great about taking mom to activities, coming over to say hi, or bringing the youth of the ward over to sing to her. She is serving in the nursery at church which is truly a perfect place for her. She sits and holds the crying ones -- I'm sure both of them wonder at times why they are there and if anyone they know will be coming to get them soon:)
The other day when someone asked her how many children she had - she drew a blank. She asked my dad how many kids they had. Sad. I reminded her that she has two. "oh, that's nice" she said -- this is her answer for most things.
Mom use to LOVE to work in the yard. I took her out to do some weeding. I discovered another lost skill of hers. She just sat there and "fluffed" the bark, pulled some top leaves off the plants and was LOST.
Dad is having the most difficult time as he's losing the love of his life. He's holding on hard, refusing to look this ugly monster of Alzheimer's in the face. I think he longs for the day when they entertained and went out places as a couple. Now, he has a 5 year old, trapped in a little old ladies body. She isn't as "put together" as she use to be - unable to do any grooming herself. He is responsible for bathing and dressing her now. He took her to Macy's to get a make up make-over. Had the lady show him how to do it and he actually puts makeup on her. He's trying so very hard to keep his sweetheart alive in his memory. I know at some point, she is going to argue with him about the whole makeup thing and not want it. But for now, she just stands there sweetly while he paints a memory of who she use to be, upon her face. It's super sweet.
With all his tenderness and love for her, there is also a level of frustration. They were SUCH A TEAM and even more so after their mission. Cleaning together, cooking together, shopping together.... now they can't even put a table cloth on the table together. She is losing her ability to understand what he's saying. It's like we are all speaking Chinese to her at times.
I went through her closet/clothes the other day with her. My oh My. If you know my parents at all, you know they like to shop. I've had to put the kibosh on the clothes shopping. If mom says she likes it, dad buys it for her. We got rid of 60 pieces of clothing the other day ...so many things that don't fit anymore (she's pretty tiny right now). In fact, we got rid of so much that we get to go shopping today for some pants as she ended up with one pair of jeans, one pair of cords and 3 pairs of light green Capri's. We are just paring down to "outfits" so getting dressed/selecting outfits is much easier for my dad. .............................. The SHOES are next.
Mom is still happy although she has a moment of tears just about everyday. It's brief and after about 2 minutes it stops as she can't remember why she is emotional. I think it's got to be her body's way of letting off a little steam.
Dad is getting tired. I can hear it in his voice. Less and less patient with her. He's been in denial for so long and I imagine that he's avoided preparing for all this when the diagnosis first came years ago. It's got to be hard watching your sweetheart and soul mate slowly disappear. He doesn't really want to talk much about it -- and we rarely have any time without her around so that makes it more difficult.
And this is where we are.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I am the Mom
It's been a while since I logged a post here. Life has me flying (literally) in all different directions on a weekly basis. Mom's digression is slow and steady and here is where we are at now.
I am the Mom. The time has truly come where I am the Mother of my Mother. This is such a strange journey for me to travel. Mom and I have not been very close in an emotional way; hard to explain here. Mom has a very tender giving heart but our relationship has been one that has not always reflected that. For some reason it's been much easier for her to show her love to friends and neighbors much easier than with me. I have always known that she loved me and was proud of me but she was not one to express it - however I did feel it.
When I come home to see her, she hugs me with a lingering hold and says, "Oh I love you so much, I am so lucky to have you. Will you come home and live with me?" She has become somewhat emotional in her fragile state and I'm seeing a side of my mother (in our relationship) that I have not seen.
So here we are. She wanders the house, looking in closets and cupboards for things she's not aware of. She picks up books and magazines - only to stare in confusion. So today I had her read some of her life story to me, out loud. I have realized that she cannot really read anymore. She can get about 4 words out and then she stumbles and gets lost. I fill in the blanks and have her point to her place and she can pick up for the next few words. I'm not sure she even comprehends what she is reading. At times she thought it was a "nice story", other times she thought "this lady" was interesting and times she knew it was about herself.
Mom still can put on a good front. Like, right now, she is sitting with a magazine and her reading glasses looking like she is reading but I know she's not. Eyes wandering all over the place. She knows this "position" of reading and it's familiar to her, just as she knows to say "Oh, that sounds nice, Oh, that's sure fun, Oh - thank you" She smiles and says hello and pretends she knows what's going on but I can see through to her heart and mind - she is lost.
And I am the Mom. This week, I have fixed her meals, cut her food, made sure she gets enough water, make sure her hair is done, clothes match........ just like she did oh so many years ago with me. She is sweet, she is grateful and generally pretty happy still.
Dad said that she is starting to get irritated with him at times and he said that she has said that I'm "out to get her"........... this is one of the sad realities of this nasty disease. Someday she's going to lash out at me and accuse me of wrong doings. I PRAY for the strength to muddle through it. Right now -- she's pretty easy going and willing to go along with plans.
I learned a lot while helping my Mother tend to her Mother with this disease. Mom was a great teacher- I am grateful that Devon and I were able to live with my parents for a short time and help care for Grandma Nonie. Little did I know that I was in training.
I am the Mom. The time has truly come where I am the Mother of my Mother. This is such a strange journey for me to travel. Mom and I have not been very close in an emotional way; hard to explain here. Mom has a very tender giving heart but our relationship has been one that has not always reflected that. For some reason it's been much easier for her to show her love to friends and neighbors much easier than with me. I have always known that she loved me and was proud of me but she was not one to express it - however I did feel it.
When I come home to see her, she hugs me with a lingering hold and says, "Oh I love you so much, I am so lucky to have you. Will you come home and live with me?" She has become somewhat emotional in her fragile state and I'm seeing a side of my mother (in our relationship) that I have not seen.
So here we are. She wanders the house, looking in closets and cupboards for things she's not aware of. She picks up books and magazines - only to stare in confusion. So today I had her read some of her life story to me, out loud. I have realized that she cannot really read anymore. She can get about 4 words out and then she stumbles and gets lost. I fill in the blanks and have her point to her place and she can pick up for the next few words. I'm not sure she even comprehends what she is reading. At times she thought it was a "nice story", other times she thought "this lady" was interesting and times she knew it was about herself.
Mom still can put on a good front. Like, right now, she is sitting with a magazine and her reading glasses looking like she is reading but I know she's not. Eyes wandering all over the place. She knows this "position" of reading and it's familiar to her, just as she knows to say "Oh, that sounds nice, Oh, that's sure fun, Oh - thank you" She smiles and says hello and pretends she knows what's going on but I can see through to her heart and mind - she is lost.
And I am the Mom. This week, I have fixed her meals, cut her food, made sure she gets enough water, make sure her hair is done, clothes match........ just like she did oh so many years ago with me. She is sweet, she is grateful and generally pretty happy still.
Dad said that she is starting to get irritated with him at times and he said that she has said that I'm "out to get her"........... this is one of the sad realities of this nasty disease. Someday she's going to lash out at me and accuse me of wrong doings. I PRAY for the strength to muddle through it. Right now -- she's pretty easy going and willing to go along with plans.
I learned a lot while helping my Mother tend to her Mother with this disease. Mom was a great teacher- I am grateful that Devon and I were able to live with my parents for a short time and help care for Grandma Nonie. Little did I know that I was in training.
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